The break-up

Breaking up is so hard to do. Yes. It finally hit me. Hard. It wasn't easy on the day, the hour, the very minute you're in that moment. It is even harder when you knew it was coming, just waiting to be said that it is over. And it is a torture days after. And even so if you do not know the reason why. There are a lot of whys, what ifs, and maybes. You try to justify but is not enough, the real answer is still out there. And you feel all sorts of emotions simultaneously: anger, pity, longing, betrayal, felt you were treated unfairly because you were not trusted enough, felt helpless because you can't do anything.

Carving stories

What’s your purpose in life? Do you ever question that? You wake up everyday, making choices what this day will be. Sometimes you decide to do the same. Go to work. Go home. Watch TV. Eat. Sleep.

At the end of it all, when you’re already six feet below the ground… generations will pass and no one will remember you. But the story you left behind is all what’s left about you. How do you want your life to be?

Lie. You tell a different story.

The choice is yours. We’re here carving stories. Others have the talent putting it on paper or on the world wide web while others are satisfied that they made a difference on somebody else’s life. Some may not even know that they already did.

Chant

I saw the movie The Craft (yap, an old movie) last night on DVD, and I thought I make one chant myself:

Erase the bad thoughts that crossed the mind
Erase whatever doubts that left behind
The power of the will and the good within
Will bring positive energy in this surrounding and in me.

Hey, is it working?

Crushes...crashes down on me

Someone’s playing a trick on me. And it’s quite a nice trick. What could be cooler than today! I just saw my three crushes, almost simultaneously within the last two hours. Aside from that, they smiled, talked and even made a joke to me. Well, except for the other one. The snob! Alright…alright he’s forgiven. (haha!)

Yeah, I got three crushes. What does that mean? Just that there are a lot of nice and good looking people in the world. At least today… in this part of the world.

Wait, listen… can you hear the music playing? “…La..lalalala..lalalala.. Oh! What a wonderful world…“ c”,)

David Sedaris and me

I am in love with a gay man.

What is it about gay, and being gay and witty? When in history the term male homosexual transcends from a negative term queer to a more positive term gay?

The poster screams: David Sedaris Talk Pretty in Manila!

I'm not going to miss it! I promised myself. So, at 2:15 in the afternoon I went to Powerbooks, Greenbelt and lined up to get my numbered stub. The live reading started at 5pm. And I am not disappointed. His books are funny but he is even funnier in person. Though standing, Ella and I had fun. He read some parts of his book and some journal entries from 2003. He talked about his experience in Bruno's Salon and how he lost his money on a cockfight.

Book signing followed at 6pm. Oh! Long was the queue. And I couldn't help but wonder what David Sedaris would write when he sign the books. Is it going to be "Goodluck!" or is it going to be "God bless!". You know, the usual messages when you asked a celebrity for an autograph. While waiting for our turn, the host raffled some prizes. Ella's number was called. While she took her prize, the host announced another number.. 227. Hey! It was mine! We were lucky.

At 7:40, my turn has come to have my books signed. I brought three books. David asked, "What's your name?" And I said, "Pet". I even gave him a piece of paper with "Pet" written on it, just to be sure he would write "To Pet" neither "To Beth" nor "To Tet". And he said, "Oh! Another interesting name!". Then he took his little notebook from his shirt pocket. "You know, I have a list of interesting names here". Then, he jot down my name. "So, is Pet a short of …Petula?". "No", I replied. "It's Petra. I was named after my grandmother whose name is Petra and my parents shortened it to Pet". He took the first book and wrote "To Pet, I'm so happy you're alive" He took the second book while asking if I live with my parents. I said no, because they are in the province but I live with my aunt. "No yaya?", he queried. No, I answered. Then he wrote, "To Pet, no yaya I'm shocked!". "It's not too late to get a yaya!", he said as he took the last book: Me Talk Pretty One Day, which is my first Sedaris book and one of my favorites. It's old, I bought it years ago and the pages have already brown spots on some parts. He complimented the jacket. I covered the book with plastic. We continued to talked, well, he talked more than I did. I was distracted I didn't see what he wrote. I thanked him as he returned my books. On my way out, I took the last book, opened the first page.. and.. laughed. I couldn't help it. The message said: "Bawal ang umihi dito." Witty. Funny. Definitely, cool!

Multiple choice

In highschool, at least in the school where I came from, examination usually comes in the form of:

a.) an essay

b.) an enumeration

c.) a multiple choice

d.) fill in the blanks

And, my favorite is... letter c. Obviously. You can choose from the possible choices, do a trial and error and… voila! You got the correct answer. Well, most probably. And when worse comes to worst, and you missed to read the chapter or don't remember the answer or you don't even know where the teacher pick the questions, you can look at the ceiling, do a tic-tac-toe, do a mini-my-ni-mo and tarannn… you have a 25% probability that you might get the right answer.

As you grow older you are presented with different kinds of tests and you wish solving it could be as easy as doing the multiple choice.

Emotions

Emotions from the past…technically, all form part of the past. Present is just too little of a time, a nanosecond perhaps? Or 'the present' is just how long you want it to be.

"Love can be overpowering. You can say anything and mean everything"

"It's depressingly frustrating missing someone so much and knowing that someone doesn't care even half as much as you do"

"Doing the right and logical thing doesn't guarantee happiness and sometimes pursuing what you think will make you happy doesn't make you completely happy either. Where do you go from here?"

"Lied to. Alone. Ignored. Forgotten."

"Kapuso doesn't always mean kapamilya and vice versa. Sometimes all that connects you to them is the same blood that runs through your veins (well, sometimes you do not even have the same blood type. Hah!), or that history says so (the so-called lines that connects your family tree)."

I have read quite a handful of books. I enjoyed some of them. I am amazed of how great some authors are at translating their ideas, describing their experiences and expressing their opinions and innermost emotions. I envied their vast vocabulary and their ability to play with words that says and conveys exactly what really is. Just like this one:

"My project for the next year is to learn how to say, Fuck you, to one and all" -- Irwin Shaw, Beggarman Thief

My sentiments exactly. But, on second thought, why wait for next year?

Idol Top Picks

Australian Open's over. Only You asianovela bowed out of the boob tube last month. So what's the new show that's crazingly making me glued on tv these days? Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Edition. Nah, its American Idol once again. And I've been following it since its initial telecast, American idol: The audition. I thought I got a glimpse of Carol Banawa but maybe I'm just hoping there's another Filipino talent to be included in the finalist. However, there is one called Jose and Ryan (yes, we're on first name basis J) pronounced it as "Ho-say", who is said to be a Filipino descent. Not one of my favorites though. I even become an unwilling witness to the Brittenbum twins fuss and the show's attempt to put some drama to the show. Pity to both.

Anyway, last night the twelve finalists have been named. And as usual I have my own top picks. So here it goes..

Guys

Chris
Elliott
Bucky

Girls

Mandisa
Katharine
Paris

Last season I rooted for a girl to win this time I'll be on the other side. It's gonna be a tough choice between Chris and Mandisa. Mandisa's a tough one to beat and will probably do a-'Fantasia' sweep but what the heck, I'm still rooting for Chris doing an 'Eric Santos' finish.

Hingis is back!

Hingis lost. (sigh)

But it’s great to see you back in the game again. It was a great match and you didn’t fail to amaze me once again. You’re all the more reason that Wimbledon, French and US Open are to look forward to. And that television and internet are the two most important invention of all time.

New year, new you

Another year ahead. This year it's going to be different. And so is the next. There are so many things that happened in the past years. But that's what they are, part of the past.

You dreamed. You made plans. Others dreamed. They made plans. For you.

You have always known, just refuses to acknowledge. And it left you fighting against yourself. I'm not making a U-turn, just turning right. Though the road seems rough and the field seems empty. I can always plant and grow trees of different kinds or flowers of different colors. There will always something to be amused and excited about.

Acceptance. Easy to say, took a long time to do.

Outside it's raining. It's as if washing away all the remnants of celebrations last night.

And yes, I'm still lucky.